So I hope you're ready blog. I am a Catch 22. And so is my current situation. I mean so far it is moving towards a positive step and is a great gateway into something bigger. And with the current state of things I should be grateful that I was given this opportunity and believe me I am. It feels good to get some funds in my pocket and that's about it. I should be more happy that I have something to be happy about, that I finally have something that I have been bitching about for the past couple of years and here I am acting like an ungrateful b*tch. Of course I will never say it out loud but maybe even saying it out loud would be better then keeping it pushed down inside. I am probably the worst indecisive person ever. I mean we all do things we don't want to do right? We spend our lives working for the dollar and even then that doesn't make us that happy. And the only way to be truly happy is to do something that makes you happy. Right? Sadly the only things that make me happy are hobbies.. I think trying to figure out how to turn those hobbies into a career is the hard part. But I feel that's what stopping me there is that my hobbies never last. So making a career out of hobbies is not on the top of my list. But that's just me I know some people that have become very successful at doing what they love.

But what do I love? I did love working for Cirque Du Soleil but I was never a fan of doing the tear down.. out of everything that was the only thing that I was ever happy to go through. I use to think that even working in HR would make me happy. Maybe the idea of the traveling circus and running away with them is what would make me happy. If Cirque offered me a position even for HR I would accept in a heartbeat. I feel that it's an experience I would never have anywhere else. Would I ever move to Canada to work for Cirque? I would highly consider it. I saw this video I believe on the Cirque site I'm not sure and it was sort of giving a tour on what is like to work there and to be honest it seemed like heaven to me. It made me want to jump on a plan and see this place with my own eyes. Everyone there seemed so happy that they weren't just working for the dollar. Like they enjoyed where they worked, they enjoyed what they did and it made me think "that's where I want to be". I don't know how I would contribute to Cirque but I'm sure some way it would help me open up my creative mind.

Hmm.. well it's getting pretty late. I really just needed to get this out of my system. Thanks Blogger for being there for me. Even if you don't talk back.

There was girl who went on a cruise ship with a couple of friends for a celebration. She was slightly tall, dark haired, cinnnamon colored skin, and outgoing yet shy. She never really left home and if it was, it was only for a short period of time. But she knew that this trip was necessary.. she needed the break from her usual scene and when her friends suggested the trip to her, she jumped in head first with no questions asked.

One night the girl and her friends decided to go out to dinner. She wore a short sleeve blue dress that wrapped around the waist with cream colored peep-toe heels. As they were walking to the table someone called out her name. She didn’t think much of it but her name was then called out again but this time a lot closer then before. She stopped to turn around..when she did she let out the words “oh my gosh” under her breath. It was one of those “what are the odds moments”. This was a person whom she hadn’t spoken to or saw in years. With their history all she wanted to do was just forget about them and their past and the things that happened along the way. He was tall, handsome, tan skinned, nicely built, and a good dresser. They conversated a bit about how was very odd that they would end up on the same cruise ship at the same time. Was it fate or merely a coincidence? She invited the man to join her with her friends at their table for dinner and he was happy to accept. At the table there wasn’t a whole lot of conversation going on between the two of them. Only simple questions with very short answers. As she looked at him she could tell that his attention was elsewere. His face in her mind read to her “I’d rather be somewhere else”. He stared out towards the water behind him and she sipped her water and looked around the room hoping for another conversation to start up to kill the uncomfortable silence.

Then he walked in. He was tall, slim built, dark haired, short hair, very handsome with a contagious smile. He had brown eyes and wore a blue suit, with a white buttoned shirt and a loose tie. She watched him walk in and the only word that popped in her head was “wow”. She was so drawn into him that she went sort of into a daze and when her friends called her name she heard nothing. A friend sitting next to her shook her by the arm to grab her attention and snapped her out of her daze. They asked her if she was alright and she took a sip of her water and nodded “yes” to them. He walked by their table and she glanced at him, he looked towards her and when he did she looked back down at the table with a shy smile and giggled to herself trying to hid behind her clear glass of water. As he walked past she looked back up at him and he was staring straight ahead with a smirk like smile on his face.

Her friends decided to call it a night and went to head back to their room. She thanked her friend for joining them for dinner and wished him a goodnight. She wasn’t tired and decided to explore the ship but before that she thought a little vino might make the night more interesting. She stopped by the bar to pick up glass and started to walk towards the main area of the ship. She was walking along and then “BOOM” the arm of a man ran right into her arm that was holding her wine while her arm ran into the arm of a man whose arm was holding his wine. Her wine poured on him and his on her. They both stood there kind of in shock looking at the garments to assess the damage. She shook the wine off of her arm and immediately began to apologize to the man. The man as well started to apologize taking off his jacket shaking off any left over wine. She continued to apologize until she looked up. It was him the man that she saw walking into the dinning hall that sent her into a daze. She tried her best to hide her smile feeling that it would give too much away..

Her: Hello

He: I’m so sorry about your dress.

Her: No it’s fine, I’m really sorry about your jacket.

Her: If only I can buy you one as well

The two walked to the bar and picked up two more glasses of wine. The night was still young and the two started to talk about a nightclub that was on the ship and thought it would be fun to do a little bit of dancing. Drinks were poured left and right and the two were having the time of their lives. The club was soon over and they went for a walk on the outside of the ship. It was slightly chilly and he offered her his jacket.. She thanked him and he drapped it over her shoulders. As they walked they talked about their lives, what they did, their memories, their weird moments, the funny ones as well as the sad. She was getting tired and thought it would be a good idea to head back to their rooms. With so much alcohol consumed it wasn’t easy for her to walk back.. he being such a gentlemen helped her with every step. When they got to her room, her eyes were struggling to stay open. He opened the door and walked her to the bed. He pulled the sheets down and helped her into bed. When she layed down she still held onto his jacket that covered her shoulders.. He took a piece of paper from the notepad by her bed, wrote a note and slipped it into the pocket on the inside of the jacket and pulled the covers over her and left the room.

She woke up the next morning with the sun shinning in her eyes and the smell of cologne surrounding her. She sat up in bed and felt the lining of the jacket behind her. She grabbed the jacket trying to remember what happened last night and thought of the man that she met the night before. She patted down the jacket and heard a crinkle noise from the paper on the inside of the jacket. She pulled out the paper and read it to herself.. The note said “Breakfast, Dinning Hall 11am? ” She looked at the clock that read 10am and she quickly jumped out of bed and hurried to get ready. With the coat in hand she walked out of her room and closed the door as her door closed another door only a couple of doors down closed as well.. She looked to see who it was and to her amazement it was him. They laughed to themselves for a minute and he began to walk over…

Her: Goodmorning.. I believe this jacket is your

He: Right, thanks.

Her: No, thank you

Her: Slowly going away..

Her: Sounds good

Her: Jamie

Her: Nice to meet you

And they lived happily ever after. Actually I don’t know what happened after this. I woke up by then. But it was a great dream. Maybe there will be a part two..

Sweet Dreams..

My title comes from a tweet I made earlier. I stated I had or excuse me "have" a crush. I've had past crushes but they are the thing of the past.. they're just memories that I look back on and think to myself "I can't believe I use to have a crush on __insert name here__" and believe me.. I had many. But this crush is something that will most likely be nothing more than just that.. A Crush. This person isn't in my reach, it's not someone I see everyday but I can if I choose too.I don't know this person at all and we have never met. I would like to meet him but I think I would be a bit too nervous to speak. I would need something quite embarrassing to break the ice and let my nerves calm down. The great thing about him is he doesn't seem intimidating. He seems like a person that if I said something stupid or random, he would follow right along and not give me the awkward look with the uncomfortable silence following right behind. I don't know much about him other than the main particulars.. you know.. name, age, location.. all the simple stuff.

Who knows maybe we'll randomly run into each other.

The great thing about distant crushes is that they never hurt. They're not too close to the point where emotions start getting involved and they are far enough that if the "crush or interest" is over it doesn't bother you to just drop them down by the waist side. He's a great guy though. To you great guy, my crush, I tip my hat to you. I wish you nothing but love & happiness in whatever you do..which you are quite good at by the way.

I don't really have much else to say.. I just felt like jotting this down... It's been about a month or so since my last post and it seems that things still have yet to change. I can't believe it's officially November.. in a matter of weeks it will be 2011. My goodness where has the year gone? These years are just zooming by and I feel as if I'm struggling to keep up.

Looks like I will be ending it here. Have a good Monday & November. Be sure to say thanks. :)

The idea to try out knitting again actually started because of my aunt. Now I have knitted before; a scarf here and there. Back then I wasn't really able to understand the material so I always kept my stitches simple and easy.. which is doing knits and purls, knits and purls. It seems like lately my mind is starting to take things and have it make sense a lot quicker. I think back then I was reading so much into it.. that I was just confusing myself. And now with the help of YouTube (YouTube was up back when I started, I just never thought to actually look on it till now) I am more able to try something a bit more challenging. My new addictions are creating berets. I love them! They're extremely fashionable, perfect for bad hair days, and every inexpensive. So I decided to make one of my own. The first one I made was a simple beret that I read from a book. It came out horrible. I didn't make a swatch to check my gauge and it just didn't look clean at all. But I was still proud of it, I mean it was the first hat I ever made. But that way taught you how to knit the hat in a flat way and then sew the ends together to create the circle... but I wanted to learn the way of "knitting in the round" a much easier way to make a hat. So I went out and racked up on circular needles and double pointed needles. I tried to make this adorable lace beret and my goodness it was not easy. I'm the kind of person that, when I see something I like and in this case want to make; I think that if I go out and buy all of the material I can just put it together in a snap. My goodness was I wrong. The beret was actually very simple.. but when you're a person like me who has NEVER knitted in the round or even used double pointed needles it seems like a disaster. Eventually after several tries and several failures i was able to finish 1 lace beret. Now it didn't come out the cleanest, but thanks to that it helped me to learn from my mistakes and now I'm in the process of making another...

but.. I've hit a brick wall. I'm hoping that my creative switch isn't turning off cause there are a lot of berets I would like to crank out but at the current moment I am in no mood to knit. It could be because I have been knitting for several days straight, I'm running out of material to make anything (or the material that I have isn't meeting my standards), or I just don't want to do it anymore. I highly doubt it's the last one cause I really do want to make another one. i think the winner here is the 2nd reason. I'm running out of material. I have been mostly using Acrylic and I want to try and move on to something like wool, and cotton, or even alpaca. They seem to knit up nice and have a soft feel to them. My only trouble is trying to find of job to fund all this creativeness.

And that's another topic I so don't want to get into. I just felt like jotting some random thoughts down for my eyes, the world, and whoever actually reads this.

Well I guess that's it for now. I would actually be knitting right now but something is just not making me want to.. yet I have this deep down feeling that I want to knit.. but I can't. I don't know haha... I'm sure 15mins from now I'll be knitting something..

Goodknit(night)

This whole blog and what I am bitching about is a phone.. Not just a phone but the new HTC Evo 4G. I thought I had everything covered and then I get a phone call from Best Buy regarding my pre-order and I feel like I just got a ton of bricks dropped on me. First is tax. There was a lot of speculation on what the Evo would be taxed on.. whether is would be on the full retail price or the nicely discounted $199.99.. Well low and behold it is going to be taxed on the full retail price. So this adds instead of a merely $18.50 to wapping $40 maybe $50. Second is the pre-order. Now I only have $205 thinking that I would only be missing give or take $10 or so. So I ask the S.A if I am not able to come up with the full $250 will the phone still be held for me? No! How awesome is that.. my pre-order will mean nothing.. it will either get pushed to Staurday or I have to wait for the next batch and my original pre-order will go to some other lucky person. But this really gives me no reason to be angry with BBM only myself because I am the kind of person that when something is "new" I want it like "now" not even "now" more like "yesterday". It's a horrible thing to be impatient but I truly I am actually a pretty patient person.. it just depends on what I am patiently waiting for.

So now I'm stuck between a rock and hard place. I told them to keep my appointment for 10am on Friday and if the worst comes to worst I will give them a call to cancel and to just set me up for another pre-order for the 2nd batch. So I have to find a way to come up with the remaining $50 or just cancel my pre-order. Even though I said that the "cancel my pre-order" is already not an option in my head. I have until tomorrow to come up with the missing funds.. and by god I hope I do.

I know it seems a bit crazy to worry so much over a phone.. But that's just me.. I love gadgets. When a new gadget comes out I want to get my little hands on it and show it off like a diamond ring. When the Pre came out I was extremely excited to get it in my hands. I was so overly excited that I didn't even know what to do with it in the first hour.. I just marveled at it and tried to figure out how it worked (even though that didn't take long after watching countless videos). Plus the excitement came easy cause I was coming from a Blackberry and I was so ready to switch. And now I'm back in the same boat.. or let's make it a ship.. HTC is a powerhouse and I always loved their phones. Or I got it.. I'm on the same route in the HTC ship and it's creeping up fast to our destination which is release day. I have only been following the Evo for the past few months or so. I wasn't there from the beginning when it was official announced.. But I caught on a few weeks later.

The funny thing about the Evo is that it doesn't have a physical qwerty board and normally with a phone I am not a big fan of touchscreen keyboards. But with the Evo that doesn't bother me.. I'm okay with it and I know that eventually I will get use to it. Learn and adapt. Also is the whole HTC clock.. I use to love it but hate it at the same time.. cause I loved having a plain simple screen with not too much going. Yet again the Evo has taken care of this. You can choose whether or not you'd like to keep that big flip clock on your main screen.

Anyway I know that this too good of a phone to pass up. So I have to find a way to make this happen. I have to get this phone.

Don't worry Evo Noir we will be together!!
Haha..

"Heavy In Your Arms"

Twilight Saga: Eclipse Soundtrack

***********************

My new favorite track!

So I know in my dream it had certain someone.. but he didn't look exactly like himself.. he looked like a mixture of himself and someone else but in my dream it was that certain someone. I don't really know how it go to where it did but I was super pissed off at him. I think I thought he stole something.. I can't even remember what it was all I know is that he ended up getting arrested for it. Not even sure if I was the one that called on him.. all I know is that whatever it was he took belonged to me and I was angry! So I'm at home and I am just fuming then I see like a package on my bed with a bow and note. And the note was written by (I forgot to mention that the guy was my boyfriend) him and it said something like "it wasn't right to take my stuff but it was going to a good cause to get me something that I really wanted but just couldn't afford" something on the lines of that and that he was really sorry. I still don't know what it was that I wanted so bad but when I opened the package I started crying. I got to the precinct (that's right I just magically appeared there haha) and I saw the officer who was just dressed in beige slacks and a white button up shirt.. about to take away my boyfriend in handcuffs. I called out to the policeman to not take him and when I got to my boyfriend I had tears just falling from eyes..and I hugged him tightly. Saying something like "i know why you had to do it and thank you" I just kept telling him thank you. Then the cops let him go right then and there.

Now I don't know what happened after that.. I think is where I woke and fell back asleep. But now were at home and we were cleaning out the garage and I think there was like a little girl running back and forth from the house to the garage and I told her to just stay in the house so she wouldn't get hurt. The garage is basically empty and I'm standing outside by the garage door trying to lift it up to stick something near the latch (or whatever) and my b/f is standing by a truck and then this maroon car pulls into our driveway which turns out to be a friend of ours. Back then though me and the driver use to date or something..

Turns out the driver is Kiowa Gordon.. Crazy!

Who is Kiowa Gordon.. well that is him to the right. Kiowa also plays Embry in New Moon where we first see him. I thought it was pretty interesting though that he was in my dream. Any who so he's pulling into our drive and he turns off the headlight and I see his face. In my head I'm just kind of like "oh great what now" I'm taking from this that we had a love/hate relationship.. So I ask him to back up the car so I can open the garage door.. but he keeps messing around and jokingly scoots up his car almost hitting me in the leg.. So I start getting even more pissed off. I tell him "move your car now damnit!" and he replies with a "what are you gonna do if I don't?" I look around me and see a white bike (like an adult size not a kids) and I tell him "if don't move I will toss this bike on top of your car" so he tests me and thinks I'm joking.. but by this time I am straight up aggravated. So he shots back "I bet you won't" and by this time I have had it and I ask him "You think i won't?" and he says "NO". So I picked up the white bike walked to the hood of his car and lifted it as much as I could and dropped it with a straight face staring directly at Kiowa. He get's out of the drivers side screaming "what the hell are you doing?" I told him "Now get the F*CK out of my driveway or do you want to test me again" and by this time my b/f came over to see what all the fuss was about... and.. The END!

Yea, I started to get out of my deep sleep and was basically awake. And that was the end of my dream.

.FIN.

Actually I don't really have a whole lot to chat about. I just wanted to type up the subject title. It's from the movie "The AristoCats" such a cute and classic movie. Anyhow the character Edgar who plays the butler says it right before he almost takes a sip of the cats milk that he poured several sleeping pills into. Bad Edgar!

Well I don't really have anything else.. I guess that's it.

G'day.

Maybe it has to do with me actual being alone, being single. I know the whole saying "you shouldn't rely on a relationship to make you happy" or however that songbird tune goes but I think for those such as myself, whom it's been a while since they've been in a relationship it's all that we long for. Sure we have other things that make us happy but this is the one thing we lack. That's probable cause number one. Number two I think just has to do with career wise.. sure I've gotten the ball rolling on some things that need to get started but when I truly look at myself and question myself "What do you want to do" or "Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years".. I have no answer.. I start to feel that something is wrong. I would think even at my age sure I don't have to have everything figured out, but if I could at least have a simple hint as to something I'm interested in would help point me in the slightest direction then I'd be ok with that too.

My horoscope for today says that something "drastically" needs to change. That my life has started to feel like "stale crackers" talk about preaching to the choir. I do need to make a change, I just have no idea where to start. One of my changes could be a change of scenery, now that would be amazing! To go some place different at the drop of hat, next thing you know I would come back singing a different tune.

Eh' I don't know. I'm just kind of blabbing. Most of this stuff was just running around in my head and the best way for me to deal is to just write it down or type it out or whatever third form I would do. In some way it does help.

Well he was my little joy. I saw him in the corner of my eye. No chances needed to sneak a peek cause well his back was turned towards me majority of the time.. so I was able to look as much as I saw fit. From the back I was feeling his entire ensemble.. I thought I would be nice and go up to him and give him a compliment (compliments are always nice.. they're like candy for your self esteem) but no. Confidence and courage were no where to be found this night. They were lost with my $30. BaZing. Oh well. To you sir I tip my headband to you. It would be hat but I didn't wear a hat tonight and on any other night it might have been a curtsey (cause I don't have a hat on) or a tip of the beanie. I thought your ensemble was well put together. As well as you. Cheers Mate.